6 Tips to Handle Bedtime Crying with Calm
Does your child put up a fight around going to bed every night? Does bedtime always end in tears (not only for your child...) Are you feeling overwhelmed and anxious about bedtime every night?
Here are six tips to support them for a calm and connected bedtime.
Capitalise on your wake time & use play to heal fears
Separation at bedtime is BIG for children. Always bookend separation with connection. Lots of child-play during wake times and in the lead up to bedtime practicing separation can help.
Pretend to leave the house but walk out the closet door instead.
Hide & Seek - one parent hide with the child and one parent/sibling search, creating laughter to alleviate fear.
Set up a game with toys where one is always leaving. Listen to how your child directs this and the feelings they may have about it, following their lead.
Increasing Special Time and roughhousing play before bed
Your child needs to feel safe, connected and relaxed to encourage optimal sleep. Special 1:1 time doing child-led play builds connection and safety. Roughhousing play allows your child to offload any accumulated feelings from their day that have not been eliminated. This more physical style play relaxes their parasympathetic nervous system allowing your child's body to relax.
Consider the bedtime routine
Allow time for play in your child's sleep environment during non sleep times, and as part of the settling routine to build safety and security. You may also want to start the settling process earlier to allow time for connection before separation, and plenty of time to listen to upsets and BIG feelings your child feels around bedtime.
Setting loving limits
Be mindful of your capacity to be present, to play and follow your child's lead, to listen to feelings, and the duration of the settling routine. Communicate to your child what the bedtime routine looks like and set a timer to create a loving limit. This allows your child a limit to push against to help them offload any BIG feelings they have accumulated from their day.
Support is key to you being able to stay and listen
Just as important as it is to listen to our children, we also need to feel seen and heard. Using a Listening Partnership to offload any tension you are carrying around your child's bedtime and separation helps to build your capacity. Use your Village to share how you feel about it, releasing BIG feelings - through laughter, tears or meltdowns. Having someone present to hold space for your feelings reduces the overwhelm and anxiety around the bedtime routine. This allows you the spaciousness and capacity to support your child and listen to their tears.
Follow your child's lead and trust their natural processes to allow optimal sleep
If your child is resisting and fighting sleep they may be still carrying BIG feelings. Follow their lead and meet them with silliness, connection and play to allow them to eliminate the feelings and relax. A short time for connection and child-led play trusting their natural processes will make for a much calmer connected bedtime.