Moving Your Child to Their Own Sleep Space

Here at Connection Village, we believe there is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ approach when it comes to sleeping arrangements as long as it is safe. We encourage all our beautiful families to do what works best for them and their infants and children. We offer support to achieve optimal sleep no matter what the sleeping arrangements are. We believe if it is not a problem for you, there is no need to ‘fix it’ right? 

You may find you are one of the many who co-sleep, room share, and/or have your partner sleeping in another room so you can sleep with your child. We understand this can happen for several reasons. It could be that you enjoy the closeness and connection to your child, or your child feels safe and secure and will only fall asleep in your loving arms. For some parents, it may simply be hoping for a better night’s sleep with less wake ups throughout the night.  

Regardless of your situation, if you feel your current sleeping arrangements are no longer working for you or your child, and neither of you are achieving optimal sleep, it may be time to change your current sleeping habits. You may even decide it is time to move your child to their own sleep space. Connection Village is here to help support you through this transition. We will walk beside you in your parenting journey with warmth and without judgment. We ensure meaningful connections remain at the heart of everything we do. 

Below we will guide you through transitioning your child to their own sleep space in a way that builds their overall confidence. We have helped numerous Connection Village parents throughout their own transitions, and we would love to welcome you and your family to our Village to help you as well.

When to Move Your Child to their Own Sleep Space 

We are not here to tell you when to move your child from your family bed or out of the parents room, or at what age this transition ‘should’ happen. We leave the timing to you. Every family and child have different circumstances, you need to find out what works for you. You may be ready to transition your child to their own sleep space if you find that you aren’t getting a restful sleep, there is disruption by overcrowding in the bed, or you want your room back to yourself as you feel a loss of the joy in your spousal relationship.  

The Connection Village approach of weaning your child from your sleep space as you transition them to their own sleep space can benefit both you and your child immensely. Whilst ensuring your connection and attachment is nurtured, you will find that your child feels safe and secure to make the change with more confidence.  

Your SLEEP is important 

Just as it is for your child, a parent’s sleep is extremely important. We know that sleep is crucial for your physical, emotional and mental health. Research has found that sleep can not only help consolidate memories but also strengthen our connections and skills. Parents, especially, need to be well rested to be the best version of themselves while raising their littles ones. Proper rest provides the spaciousness and capacity to keep showing up every day and be present and engaged with your family. 

Sleeping arrangements don’t define you, or your child 

Connection Village believes there is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ when it comes to your preference on sleeping arrangements.  Whether you choose to co-sleep or tuck your child into their own bed at night is up to you. Either way, this won’t impact the strong bond and emotional connection you have with your child. Children have big emotions and need to be listened to. They require emotional support from their parents. Children need a parent who is present and ensures connection and play is achieved throughout the day. These parents support BIG feelings and listen to ensure children feel seen, heard and understood. This can ensure that if their child needs them, the child trusts that they will be there.

Your Child’s Emotions 

As we know, it is not easy being an infant or young child. Children have BIG feelings, and they require a lot of love and nurturing from their parents to feel safe and secure as they work through this. Emotions for your little one can be very overwhelming, so we need to ensure they are emotionally regulated often. We encourage you to make the most of your wake periods throughout the day to connect and play with your child to help them feel connected and safe to release the BIG feelings they have accumulated more appropriately, rather than carry them into bedtime. 

Helping Your Childs Emotions and Sleep 

Often, we see BIG feelings emerge during times of change and typically your child will choose to protest. When your child is crying, screaming or having a tantrum, being in the loving presence of a parent who is demonstrating empathy and compassion can help ease these emotions. This works to help offload accumulated feelings and allows them to begin healing their hurts. Once you have determined that your child’s immediate needs have been met (changed, fed, discomfort or warmth) we encourage you to support your child emotionally. It is important to allow them to express their emotions by helping them work through their feelings with your love and understanding. As you listen and support, your child will feel confident to release the stress, tension and frustration they are carrying, enabling them to relax and feel closer and more connected to you. Stored feelings left unresolved can be the reason for bedtime resistance and overnight waking. 

Bedtime routine and feelings 

Children are creatures of habit. Having a bedtime routine certainly helps the night time process. Whether your child simply requires a cuddle and their lovey to fall asleep or a more complex routine requiring several books read to them before bed, most children rely on some sort of routine to help ease them into bedtime. 

Changing the bedtime routine can sound scary and daunting. Disrupting current routines will likely bring up some BIG Feelings for your child. This is completely normal. If you feel it’s time to move your child into their own sleep space, there is no right or wrong time or age; it simply must be done when you are both ready. Guiding your child through the transition, communicating the change to them while welcoming all their emotions with a loving and caring presence will absolutely help the process. There is no quick fix or magic number of nights that the process will take. Keeping this in mind, we here at Connection Village are here to support you along the way. Contact us if you need more support in how best to change your bedtime routines. 

Changing the current sleeping arrangements  

Communicating the upcoming changes to the bedtime routine will help your child adapt to their new sleeping arrangements. Changing any part of your child’s bedtime ritual can feel overwhelming and scary for your child. Talking it through with them can help limit the impact of the transition. Take small steps. Offer small changes that demonstrate you understand your child’s current needs. If the idea of change brings tears or tantrums, your child is already offloading the feelings that prevent them from feeling safe. This is your opportunity to practice Staylistening. This helps as you stay close, offer eye contact and hold your child. Your child needs to know you understand their feelings, and you are there supporting them. It is important to empathise and assure your child that you won’t force the changes until they are ready. It can be helpful to offer suggestions such as “I understand how you are feeling, and I won’t force you to make the change tonight, let’s try tomorrow”. This is not giving in, and it is not being inconsistent. We believe that it is listening to your child and appreciating that they have emotional needs so that they feel seen and supported.  

Emotional support for parents 

We understand that changing sleeping arrangements isn’t always an easy and smooth transition. Parents may feel the need for support throughout this transition. Someone who can listen and support you while you offload your struggles, fear or guilt. Talking in a non-judgmental and supported environment can help you as you begin this part of your parenting journey.  We don’t want you to exhaust yourself while trying to help your child. Connection Village offers Listening Partnerships for parents so we can listen to your BIG feelings as we encourage and support you through this transition. It is of utmost importance to us that you take care of yourself, so reach out if you need further support. 

Small changes at bedtime 

Celebrate all the wins in parenting! The small, the big and everything in between. Even a small change such as five minutes earlier to bed at night can be taken as a win. It is important to acknowledge any effort made to change your current routine! Once your child adapts and there are less tears and tantrums each night, they are communicating to you that it's ok to make the change. Enjoy your success for a few nights, then propose another change if needed. Continue working step by step until your child falls asleep easily.  

Remember, no two days are the same, especially at bedtime. Go gently on this emotional rollercoaster ensuring you also feel supported so you can best support your little one. One step at a time – you’ve got this! 

Roughhousing before bedtime 

Despite what many parents think, a good, laughter-filled physical playtime before bed is a great activity. Not only does it allow you to connect with your child, but also helps your child release any stress, tension or frustration they may be carrying into bedtime. Roughhousing also helps to relax the parasympathetic nervous system, relaxing your child ready for sleep. Children intrinsically know what they need to do to offload their BIG feelings. Follow their lead and add in a playful pillow fight, a night wrestle or chase them for kisses to encourage laughter. This can make all the difference when it's time for your little one to go to bed and fall asleep. 

Staylistening during the night 

Staylistening requires you to stay very close to your child and pour all your love and attention into them as they express their emotions. Offering your child your loving presence allows them to offload their BIG feelings. This technique is helpful at any time of the day, including if your child wakes through the night feeling scared. This could be the result of a scary dream or potentially a fear of the dark. Before your child sleeps deeply and securely in their own bed, they need to work through the possible fears that flood them in the middle of the night. A good way to help them back to sleep is offering them your loving presence and practicing Staylistening. Allow them to offload their BIG feelings by offering your child touch and reassurance to let them know you’re listening. This ensures that they know you are still there caring for and protecting them, and allows them to feel safe in their new space. 

Your child’s resilience 

Practicing the above approach will teach you more about your child and show you just how resilient they really are. You will learn more about them and yourself as you realise you can still be a nurturing and connected parent as you work to transition your child into their own sleep space.  This transition is not easy for you or your child. You may find yourself overwhelmed or even stressed at times. This is a process that requires love and support. Connection Village is here to support you along the way. After all, we aren’t meant to be doing this parenting gig alone!