6 Tips to make your child feel connected, safe and calm leading into bedtime.

Even when you have a fantastic bedtime routine in place for your child, sometimes things don’t go to plan – protests, arguments, or tears can occur. You may have created a beautifully calm and comfortable space in your child’s room but their BIG feelings start to surface as the day winds down and things dissolve into disarray quickly. Sound familiar? You are not alone.  

Connection Village is here to walk beside you every step of the way, to support you, so that you can best support your child to ensure ALL of their needs are met. Below we have listed our top tips to make your child feel connected, safe and calm leading into bedtime.

Children often carry accumulated feelings from their day into bedtime.

Remember, your child’s feelings are valid.  Whether it be anger,  over excitement, over stimulation, or feelings of frustration, it prevents them from being able to relax.  Children have their own natural processes for eliminating BIG feelings to regulate their emotions.  They actually crave your help even if they can’t articulate that to you just yet. Your child is constantly sending you invitations to connect.  Behaviour like jumping on the bed, running off when you’re trying to put their pyjamas on, or asking for another drink of water.  We need to take a step back and  observe , follow their lead and support them to offload any stress, tension or frustration they are carrying. Remaining calm, holding the space, and showing them that you’re actively listening signals to them that they are safe and loved as you relax them into the bedtime routine.

Children are viewing life through an emotional lens.

They are constantly interpreting our facial expressions, body language and tone of voice. If you are tense, or visibly frustrated by their behaviour, it can exacerbate their BIG feelings. Ensuring you are offering yourself kindness and compassion through regular self-care is important in order to parent with kindness and compassion. Listening Partnerships and support from your village will increase your bandwidth to meet your child with silliness, play, and laughter.  This will enable you to have the capacity and spaciousness to remain calm and relaxed (riding out the storm) so that your child can take their cues and co-regulate from you.

Following your child’s lead and their natural processes to eliminate accumulated feelings will ensure their needs are met, and they are able to relax and feel safe and connected as they go off to sleep.

Calmly and actively listening to your child’s concerns or protests helps them work through their emotions in your loving presence. Your child will begin to understand how to naturally calm themselves as they communicate with you, offloading their BIG feelings and effectively mirroring your behaviour without even realising it.

An event that happened at some point during the day may trigger your child at bedtime.

In the moment, they self-regulated their reaction to that event. In the safe space of home while in your loving presence, their reaction to the upsetting event is released. Moving in close, showing your child empathy and compassion as you really listen can help your child work through their feelings. They will finally be able to offload the stress and tension they still carry from the event. This will naturally reset their behaviour because they feel seen, heard and reassured their feelings are valid: they are supported by their parent.

Making time for 1:1 play with your child as you head towards bedtime, will help to build feelings of connectedness and safety.

These feelings will encourage your child to open up to you about their interactions and feelings during the day, instead of holding it in and having an outburst at bedtime.

Provide physical support in the form of lying with your child or remain in the room with them as you let them work through their emotions.

Often, just holding the space and offering your calming presence is enough to help them settle themselves after a big outburst.

Remember, your child is constantly watching and taking their cues from you to regulate their emotions. Thus why, it is so important to nurture and support them at bedtime. This will help them work through their fears and offload the BIG feelings that may be preventing them from settling. Follow their lead when you are responding to them ensures you’re meeting their needs and supporting them. You need to provide the safe space they need during challenging moments as they learn to self-regulate and settle down to sleep.